She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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