i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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