I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
why is half of my head shaved?
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