Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
