Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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