do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
