I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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