im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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