I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
