and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's like heaven, but drunker
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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