She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
