I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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