i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
