I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
