i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize