dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
