don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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