i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
