i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize