Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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