Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize