The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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