So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
