Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
