Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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