none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am naked and annoyed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
