YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
