I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
