is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
