i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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