Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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