you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
