Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
