im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
