I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
