I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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