literally had 100 drinks last night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I look better un-naked...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
