..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
