Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
