and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
