White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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