If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
