I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
