my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
