They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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