My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize