I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
