i just had sex bonerless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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