The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
