I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
