I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
