we have pet lesbian snakes
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
