Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
