I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
