god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
