Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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