So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize