Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize