I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
