And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
