My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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