i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
