I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
