Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
