WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize