she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
